Without a high level of communication, dating a man with children can be very challenging. Understanding each other’s expectations, boundaries, parental roles, and priorities can help one decide if the relationship is worth preserving, and, if so, strengthen it.
Men With Children Have High Expectations
Single fathers, particularly those with young children, are often looking for someone who can help him raise his kids; a woman who can cook, clean, fold laundry, and provide unconditional love and support. In his mind, responsibilities run beyond the typical time and care that maintaining a monogamous relationship entails, moving into family territory.
The modern career-oriented woman may not want to take on the role of housewife or mother. She may consider cooking, cleaning, and other domestic tasks to be unimportant in the scope of the relationship. Unfortunately, the expectations still exist, and when left unexpressed, can stifle the relationship, creating feelings of disappointment and inadequacy. Women dating men with children must take the initiative to find out what his expectations are and communicate her own. This way, when expectations aren’t met, blame cannot be placed on the partner.
Set Boundaries
When discussing expectations, it is important for couples or potential partners to create boundaries. Boundaries are personal limits. They can be communicated as explicit statements about what a person is or is not willing to do in the relationship.
A woman setting boundaries with a single father may want to make it clear that she will not become a primary caretaker for his children. This could mean that she will not watch them when he wishes to go out with friends or attend parent functions, such as a parent-teacher conferences. Alternatively, a woman may be open to taking on the role of mother. She may want to take part in family activities, become responsible for doctor visits, and have the children call her mom.
Being specific about personal limits can open the door to further conversation about relationship goals and compatibility. If the father is looking for a woman who can be the sole provider of income for him and his children, and the woman wants shared financial responsibility, then it probably won’t work. But if either one is open to considering alternatives, the conversation will help to discover them.
Discuss Parental Responsibilities
Whether or not a woman plans to take on the role of mother full-time for her partner, if she is spending time with his children, there are sure to be instances when she must take on some parental responsibilities. Children need structure in their lives. Without rules, they may believe that they can do whatever they please, misbehaving without the threat of consequences. They may have even more of an advantage when they are with dad’s girlfriend’s, someone who holds no power and no authority over them.
Women can gain authority by taking the time to discuss rules for proper behavior and discipline with their partners. Agreement and consistency are key. Over time, the children will come to respect the woman their father is seeing and the relationship. This is particularly important for those who are cohabitating or plan to in the near future. If one is unwilling to work as a team this way, then this type of relationship may not be ideal.
Make Sure the Relationship Is a Priority for Him
As a woman without children, it may be difficult to understand the amount of work it takes to be a single parent. Single fathers are raising kids. They must feed them, get them to and from school and other activities, and spend quality time with them. If their mom is in the picture, he may be paying child support and coordinating schedules for visitation. Combine that with a full time job and a girlfriend and he is sure to have a lot on his plate.
In the midst of his busy schedule, a relationship can often get sidelined. Busyness, however, is no excuse for neglect. A woman building a relationship with a single father must communicate this if she wants the relationship to survive. If he is not willing to devote some time for talking, going out, or spending time together alone then perhaps he isn’t ready for a relationship.
If he is willing, the female partner should understand that she will not be the most important person in her man’s life. Children are always number one. If she is okay with that, then the relationship has an opportunity to thrive.
Communication is Important in Relationships with Single Dads
All relationships take a bit of energy to maintain, but relationships with single dads are often packed with expectations and responsibilities specific to raising children. Women without children must always make an effort to keep the lines of communication open when they are dating or considering the possibility of dating a man with kids. This is key when it comes to discerning compatibility, avoiding conflict, and creating the kind of relationship that one can be happy in.
There is no reason to settle for something that isn’t a good fit. Talking about one’s expectations, boundaries, and priorities in a relationship with a single dad can save a great deal of time and energy, and in the long run, yield great rewards.
