Dating seems to be the only area of life where otherwise rational, methodical people throw caution to the wind and just go for it without much forethought. Attraction and excitement are wonderful, but too often they don’t end in long-lasting and satisfying relationships. By taking some time for self-reflection and honest self-evaluation, you can save many months of disappointing dates and heartbreak.
Know What You Are Looking For
When you look for a job you tend to have a predetermined criteria that will guide you based on your education, experience and likes. The same should hold true for dating. Just as you wouldn’t go into a job market and apply for a doctor’s position, an executive assistant position and an accountant position all in one day, you need to know what you’re looking for, and how to spot it quickly.
Create a Mental Checklist
Start by creating three lists. One should list what you absolutely must have in a partner. The other should be what you really want, but could compromise on. The final should be what you absolutely won’t tolerate in a mate. For example, you could insist on fidelity, prefer someone who is successful in their career, but won’t tolerate a smoker. Knowing your non-negotiables and your own limitations will make finding a mate much less confusing, and reduce some of the pressure of blindly following your emotions and hoping it all works out.
Know What You Want
When going on initial dates, know what kind of information you will want to get from the person across from you. Is career focus really important? Their desire to have a family? Hobbies and interests? Whatever your focus, know what questions you will need to ask to uncover whether this person could be right for you. This is about compatibility, so make sure you use the time to find out the basics.
Understand the Wild Card of Hormones
This is a solid start. But you also need to take into account that just because someone looks perfect for you on paper, doesn’t mean that they are perfect for you. The one thing you can’t mentally predetermine about someone is the effect of their pheromones on yours. The human body is created to be able to pick out a mate who is genetically compatible. This is particularly important when it comes to having healthy offspring. So although you may meet someone who is everything you need and want on paper, if that za-za-zing isn’t there, that could be your body’s way of telling you that your gene pools aren’t a good match.
Dating Is About Compatibility
Taking a few minutes to figure out what you need and want, what your limitations and goals are should make the whole dating experience go more smoothly and ultimately result in more successful initial meetings. Remember though, dating is about matching up values, goals and desires. It’s not so much about acceptance or rejection on either side as it is about compatibility and incompatibility.
