Online dating is so appealing because by the time you meet face-to-face you know a little bit about your date. Meeting people through online dating sites gives singles, especially those who are shy) a different way to approach the whole dating scene without the fear of rejection or embarrassment.
Instant messages, emails and phone conversations ease the transition before you meet a potential partner and it makes it easier to start chatting in person than meeting someone in a bar, but it also means that initially there isn’t any face-to-face contact. Your only knowledge about the person is their online photo and the information they share about themselves in the dating database. Without meeting in person, your imagination can run wild with how your potential date could really be.
Trusting your instincts is one of the keys to developing a successful relationship. Determine if you have a good feel for the relationship or if it is time to move on. Waiting too long to meet can be disastrous in either case. If you don’t have a good feeling about the person, let them know and move on before you get too attached and if you do think the relationship could work, offer to meet in person sooner than later.
After chatting online with someone a few times you should be able to sense if this is a person you would be compatible with, or if there really isn’t any interest there. Of course, if the conversations seem forced and you really aren’t feeling a connection, then it’s a good idea to move on before either of you grow attached and feelings get hurt.
Two problems can occur if you string along an online relationship too long without meeting in person:
1. By chatting too long with someone you don’t feel a connection with, you are only leading that person on. They may be developing feelings for you and be hopeful about your future together. It’s unfair to the person on the other side of the screen and give a false sense of hope that a relationship with materialize out of these online chats. It’s also harder to let someone down after you get to know they pretty well.
2. By not meeting in person right away, you give your mind permission to imagine him or her. You start to idealize the person as your perfect companion and base your opinions about the person on your fictitious version of your date instead of real life experiences.
Idealizing a person you haven’t met yet can cause trouble because you develop unrealistic dating expectations, which the person may or may not be able to live up to.
Successful online daters use Internet dating sites to sort through potential dates and break the ice with people they believe to be compatible. Following the initial contact and maybe a few emails, you need to decide if you would like to explore the possibility of a relationship with this person or keep looking.
If you choose to pursue the relationship, then it’s time to meet face-to-face before you let your imagination run wild. Some partners find themselves in a no-win situation where they are always trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic dating expectations can set a relationship up for failure from the start.
